Boycott
[Post in People’s Voice forum, dated April 24, 2022]
@[deleted]: Question for ya guys. First, I gotta say nobody’s more PV-pilled than me, been following so long I was one of the first 100 buyers of Vcoin. So yeah. They even gave me a job on the PowerVita supplements team when that all went down. (Use my affiliate code VOICEBOX5151 for $5 off the new PowerVitaXL line, always gotta grind haha)
All I’m saying is PV changed my life. Found me right when I needed it. I guess my life was fine, kinda. Normal. Boring. Outta college, back to the hometown, dating this girl I knew in high school. Things get rocky when she wants me to get therapy. She says I’m driving her nuts, “criminally indecisive” she calls me. I told her therapy’s for people that have problems. Wrong answer, apparently. Finally say I’ll try it, then say it too many times without follow through, so she was about to dump me. So I connect with Dr. Hansen; he’s cool, a friend from high school too. He’s not an actual “doctor” because he flunked out of med school, but he got his online psych certificate during the pandemic, so his practice is legit. He’s the one who said Seth Cohan and People’s Voice might be just what I need. Dead ass. He was on to something. I break up with Tonya that same week–not gonna wait for her to just drop me. How’s that for indecisive?!
What I mean is I was a weak little beta before, now I never worry about any of that shit, thanks to the List. Been keeping up since Seth started it, never deviated. I’ve cut tons of shit out. Haven’t had [banned sports drink brand] since it was added for giving [boycotted influencer] a brand deal, gave up on sandwich-cookies-not-to-be-named. Haven’t touched anything pasture raised, free range, or any flavor of organic in years. You get it. I even reported @[deleted] from my gaming squad (shout out WolfPack98223, get in the comments) when he went off List, snacking on [banned chip brand]. Gotta keep each other honest, right?
Anyway, today I wake up at like five, shaking for that first smoothie (my real PowerVita bros know), go to the fridge and I’ve got no milk. Gotta get to the store. No way I can do PowerVita powder dry (trust I’ve tried haha). All good, smoothie can wait, I pound five PV protein bars, and take my supplements, the ones that burn fat and build muscle, increase testosterone, sharpen focus, decrease doubt (get yours at PeoplesVoice.com/PowerVita/shop). I get online for work. Send some emails, shoot the shit on here, usual stuff. I go for a snack and that’s when I realize I’m out of Roxy’s Peanut Butter Pretzel Crunch Bites. Now I know you may not agree, but damned if they aren’t the best snack I’ve ever eaten. Had at least a handful every day of my life back to childhood. So now I really need to get to the store TODAY. Well by like 2pm I’m shaking for real, so I set the auto mouse and dip out early.
New PV ep dropped at noon, saved it for the store, since I knew they’d be pumping that [banned pop artist] through their janky speakers. And man, Seth was on a tear today, y’all heard him on the shit they found buried in the Arizona desert? Tech way beyond what the Egyptians and Greeks had–probably had some help, you know, from the stars–but that’s just my theory.
Anyway, I’m going through the aisles, got the List up on my phone, checking I don’t grab anything banned or trendy–don’t want to be one of the mindless herd, right? Seth’s got bidets on the block for his “Who’s the Expert” segment and he’s tearing the guy apart–”No American needs a European asshole hydrant.” I mean, what a line.
Right as I turn down the snacks aisle he gets to his new additions to the List. I’m listening, but also almost drooling cause now I can see that blue and gold glint of Roxy’s near the end of the row of puffed up packaging. In my head I’m already tossing a golden-brown nugget in the air, catching it smooth in my mouth, real alpha shit.
It feels like I’m dreaming when I hear “Roxy’s Finest Snacks” in Seth’s voice. I’ve got that big beautiful plastic bucket in my hands and all at once I’ve got this tremble in my hands, rattling those nuggets around like lotto balls. There’s this weird pressure in my throat and my vision’s sparking and well—I’ll admit, I freak a little bit. I start hurling shit off the shelves, maybe screaming, I don’t know. I rip into that Crunch Bites container and they explode all over the floor and I’m right down there, shoveling them into my face. Not me at my top, fr. Mighta even blacked out.
Then I’m sitting there, this lady in a security shirt’s shouting at me, cops with her, peanut butter pretzel dust all over me and ngl, I’m wondering what Roxy’s could have done to get on the list, what kind of man I am succumbing like that, does PV really have my best interest, a bunch of shit. I’m like, should I call my mom? But my folks cut me off after I put a bunch of their money into Vcoin, now I got nobody but the WolfPack and I can’t call them, all I’ve got is their gamer tags. The cops walk me out and I’m mumbling about PV and supplements and all hell. They booked me and fined me for destruction of property and some shit. They only just let me come home.
So, I guess my question is, have you guys ever dealt with something like this?
Thanks, really needing some support right now.
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Spencer Storey Johnson is a writer and artist and, by the definition of one HR department, an educator. Born in the Pacific Northwest, raised elsewhere, he now lives in Boston, MA.